Monday, March 27, 2006

Pending Legislation

Dear Indigna,

I just read that AOL is going to start letting mass-emailers pay a fee to let their messages avoid our spam filters. This strikes me as outrageous! First we have to install and maintain a spam filter to keep this junk from clogging up our mail folders, and now our own Internet provider is helping those guys get around our defenses! They claim the service will only be sold to “legitimate” businesses but if you believe that I have a river in Egypt I’d like to sell you. Why should they try to winnow out the “good” spammers (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) when they can more easily just let all spammers pay a little extra? Hey everybody, let’s gang up on those spam-filter boys and put ‘em out of business why don’t we?

Fuming
San Jose, CA

Dear Fuming,

“Why should they try to winnow out the ‘good’ spammers”? Why indeed? I think your idea of simply doing away with the spam-filter purveyors is a good one, but I understand that some of our enterprising leaders in Washington have come up with an even simpler, and more lucrative, solution to the problem of spam filters. Apparently a bill is pending before Congress that will effectively give the email address of everyone in the country to every e-marketer, newsletter publisher, and fund-raising entity in the world, no “checking” or “validating” required. Then, if you wish to unsubscribe to, say, the emails peddling disabled orphan kitten adoption, junior high cheerleader photos, or “body enhancement,” it would be your responsibility, as the consumer, to “opt-out” by paying a small fee to the government for each address you want to block.

This fab scheme benefits our great nation in three ways. First, it promotes commerce, and what’s good for business is good for America!

Second, it puts you, the consumer, back in the driver’s seat with these mass marketers! No longer will you be subject to the whims of a mindless, soulless piece of filtering code. Rather, you will have the power to precisely control which spam you wish to receive by selectively blocking certain senders (thus alerting those businesses to change the address they’re using), and unless you’re some kind of commie that isn’t willing to listen to sales pitches and solicitations, the program is absolutely free.

Finally, it will undoubtedly eliminate our federal deficit within just a few months. What’s not to like?

Write your congressman today and urge his support for the definitive economic turnaround that this vital piece of legislation will enable. Then, look for my recommendations for “Indigna-approved” products and services of all kinds, in your mailbox daily!

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