Private Grandma

Dear Indigna,

What do you make of the Army raising the age of enlistment to 42?

Marine Wannabe Granny
Oceanside, CA

Dear Granny,

It's quite simple really. Don't you read the news? Social Security is in bad trouble! It's going to run out of money next week or something! The President had to do something to ensure the continued financial solvency of our retired citizens. Although the age of enlistment has thus far only been raised to 42, this is clearly a sort of market test for the new plan for the government's "safety net" for retirees. I mean, why should old folks get a free ride? Here's an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak: the Army can't recruit enough people, and most people haven't saved enough for retirement. Let old folks enlist and voilá--both problems solved! Now, at long last, the people's longing to invade Iran and Syria can come true!

Besides, these groups like "Raging Grannies" and the like, who have been protesting the war by trying to enlist "in lieu of their grandchildren"--ha ha! Took the wind outta your sails, didn't we? Bush will sure get the last laugh when he ships those grannies out to Iraq--without their walkers or Attends!