Friday, September 01, 2006

Baby Love

Dear Indigna,

I understand that some soccer players are storing their newborn children's stem cells as a hedge against future injury or illness, not for their children, but for themselves. Shades of people having children for the purpose of transplanting their organs or bone marrow into an older sibling! Does anyone care about children as the little miracle of creation that they are anymore?

Grannie, KY

Dear Disillusioned,

In a word, no. Modern children are valuable to grownups primarily for utilitarian and scientific uses ("Did they cut this dope with laxative? Let's find out!") Some parents also like the security of having available their children's "redundant" organs (extra kidney, extra testicle, extra lung, extra cornea, etc.), which could prove invaluable in case either parent or a sibling should come to need them in future. If not, parents can pay off credit card bills or provide their family with college tuition, a new car or a really great vacation by auctioning off these excess organs to the highest bidder--perhaps to a rich guy from Texas whose eye was shot out by the Vice President of the United States.

In any case, what a loving thing to do for your child! Such children will know that their life has meaning without having to expend any effort whatsoever (other than that required to sustain life with only one kidney, lung, testicle and cornea). Plus, their parents have also given these kids a guaranteed spot in pretty much any prestigious university not only on the basis of the child's selfless sacrifice, but for his or her disability as well. What could say "love" more clearly that that?


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