He's Gotta Have It

Dear Indigna,

You know this lawyer guy who’s suing eHarmony.com because they won’t give him dates until he’s divorced? Isn’t that unethical?

ABA-Approved
Blue Ball, AR

Dear ABA,

I’ll say! Listen, when you got a woodie, you got a woodie. Even I know that and I’m a woman. Men can’t be expected to tolerate unsatisfied desires because it gives them “blue balls,”a debilitating condition that I first learned about way back in high school! The guy won’t be divorced for two whole months. Can you hold your breath that long? Well, this guy can’t sustain his hard-on that long either. He needs vast quantities of casual, no-strings, filthy, meaningless, kinky sex right now and there are only a finite number of other dating websites out there. At the very least, eHarmony.com owes him a settlement that will allow him to hire first-class escort services until his divorce is final and he can begin trolling for his next ex-wife at eHarmony.com.