Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Wal-Mart

Dear Indigna,

Wal-Mart is trying to build a gigantic mega-superstore in my hometown. All of the small business owners in downtown know that Wal-Mart will drive them out of business and have banded together to fight the plans, so far to no avail. Do you have any suggestions?

Goliath is Winning
Live Oak, FL

Dear David,

I’m not a Wal-Mart shopper, but I’ve seen them played on TV. Frankly, I’m terrified to go into one of those establishments. I mean, apparently there is some kind of sprite or fairy that flies around indiscriminately changing the prices of things, which are evidently painted on rectangles of some sort of high-shatter material (glass? porcelain?) that are carelessly knocked to the floor when the “entity” wishes to lower the cost of an item. Those splintered “price tiles,” for lack of a better word, must send lethal shards of who-knows-what into the eyes of countless children and elderly patrons on a daily basis! No wonder those stores have eye exam centers right there. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t it seem clear that Wal-Mart is luring customers into their stores with the draw of “low prices,” when the real motive is to secure them as eye-care clients? Perhaps a lawsuit threatening to expose this plot will do the trick. If not, I recommend putting your affairs in order. Hell hath no fury like a pissed-off Wal-Mart.

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