Divorce

Dear Indigna,

I read an article today about “Do-It-Yourself” divorce. Apparently there are lots of websites where you can get all the documents you need to get a divorce for just a few hundred dollars. One of the people interviewed said the divorce cost “about three percent the cost of her wedding and one-third the time it took to plan it.” Another guy said it was a good way “to maintain that respect for your marriage.” I am getting married soon and wonder if you think do-it-yourself divorce is a good way to go. I need to know how much money I can realistically spend on the wedding.

Blushing Bride
Flushing, NY

Dear Blushing,

I can think of nothing that respects your marriage more than getting a divorce, especially if you go to the trouble of handling it yourself. And if it adds just 3% to your wedding budget (as opposed to the doubling or more of the wedding budget that a traditional divorce causes), what’s not to like? It’s also great that it takes so little time; if all divorces were this cheap, easy and quick everyone could get one.

The DIY route has the added benefit of excitement. Who knows what you’ve forgotten to settle in your haste? Imagine the thrill of suddenly remembering those frozen embryos years later when you’re hit up for child support! Savor the irony of failing to authenticate your spouse’s finances! Grin wryly when you realize that an obscure filing error has made you a bigamist!

One expert in your article mentioned that getting a divorce “should be as simple as filling out a form for your driver’s license.” I think it should be substantially easier than that, because you have to read a book and take a test to get your driver’s license. Plus, the two things are not analogous at all. You can kill people with a driver’s license, but you can prevent killing with a divorce.

Let’s keep divorce cheap, easy, quick--just like the chicks your ex will troll for afterward!