FEMA

Dear Indigna,

What’s this I hear about the government thinking of razing FEMA (the Federal Emergency Management Agency) just as we enter hurricane season?!?!?

Still In a Trailer From Last Year
Bay St. Louis, MS

Dear Still,

You are correct. The government has determined that FEMA as it was structured under Michael Brown was non-functional (no surprise there!). But you know how it is these days. It’s usually cheaper to throw away the broken object and just buy a new one. Problem is, the Bush administration is having a hard time finding a replacement that will run under Homeland Security. The President doesn’t want to have to replace his operating system, nor does he want to go the easy route of just having an external FEMA because that would involve plugging it directly into the Oval Office. Until he finds a hack that will let him run FEMA under DHS, I recommend stocking up on lots of water, canned food, plywood, canoes, hatchets, distress flares, blankets, short-wave radios and prayer. Either that or move to Canada.