Big Ugly

Dear Indigna,

The Republican running against Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton's (D-NY) for her Senate seat has said that she's had "millions of dollars" of plastic surgery to correct terminal hideousness at a younger age. Should she be disqualified from the race?

American Beauty
Big Ugly, WV

Dear Beauty,

Of course! The only thing that more clearly disqualifies a woman for high public office than irreparable ugliness is the rumor, whether true or not, that she has had "work" done to improve her looks. As for Senator Clinton, just look at the photographic evidence.

Here's a picture of her in high school. Whaaaaa? Who could recognize her as the same person? For one thing, she's obviously gone under the knife (or at least scissors) to shorten her hair! And she's clearly only black and white. When did she burst into photographic color?

Here's another picture of her, probably in college or law school (in the upper right-hand corner), with Bill Clinton, who is clearly her "looks superior." Why on earth would he tap that? And you can't even recognize the future "Senator Clinton" in that woman!

Finally, if you examine this image, you'll see that at some point in her life she wore glasses. Now she doesn't. Clearly, she either wears prostheses (contact lenses) or has had surgery (Lasik). Now, in my book, that's cheating, lady!

Let's elect a real, unretouched woman this fall--like Pamela Anderson!