Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Dear Indigna,

Apparently the City of Miami is planning a huge city-sponsored, taxpayer-funded party in the Orange Bowl, lasting up to a full week, to celebrate when Fidel Castro passes away. The deathday bash will feature bands, dancing, speeches, media coverage, and, of course, alcohol poisoning incidents. Is this really in the best of taste? I mean, a human being will have died!

Little Havana, Miami

Dear Marielito,

Of course it is! Everyone on earth will be thrilled beyond all reason when Castro kicks the ol' hammer and sickle, except, of course, maybe a lot of Cubans still on the island, who compare his death to that of a "father," since he is "the only leader most of them have ever known" (plus they seem to be inordinately fond of their free education to the graduate level and free world-class health care--what fools those underpaid doctors be!!). Also maybe some South Americans will mourn him, but only because they're communists or, at the very least, not members of the "Coalition of the Willing." Pussies!! It's abundantly obvious to everyone on earth who lives in the exiled Cuban community that the instant Castro's heart monitor starts to flatline the entire island will erupt into spontaneous democracy and a free market economy! And if they don't, we've got plenty of firepower to show them how to do it "Iraqi-style"!

Plus, have you ever been to Miami? I mean, that place don't need no excuse to par-tay! What better way to celebrate the death of someone you don't like than random weapons fire, drunken looting, and the inevitable "accidental" neighborhood arson that gets out of control? Those Cubans have no idea what a treat they have coming for them when they arrive on our shores! They will undoubtedly be greeted, much as we have always greeted Spanish-speaking immigrants from south of our borders, by the open (small-)arms of the INS.


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