Population Control

Dear Indigna,

This morning I read an article about some scientist (Eric Pianka) that advocates eliminating 90% of the world’s population with airborne Ebola virus to solve the problems of overpopulation, food supply and dependence on foreign oil. I can’t even get my mind around this. The guy got a standing ovation and an award at the Texas Academy of Sciences for this crap! Is this a sign of the Apocalypse?

Stunned and Shocked
Beaumont, TX

Dear Stunned,

Breathe into a paper bag. Breathe. All right.

First of all, let’s not be too hasty. Perhaps his idea has some merit. I mean, aren’t some countries just asking for it? Like, say, the French. They’re all high and mighty about their “language,” their “culture,” their “fries” and “toast.” Now, wouldn’t you like to own a villa in the South of France on the cheap? Think about it.

And those Swiss! They live on some of the most primo real estate on the planet but they make it almost impossible for foreigners to emigrate! Well, perhaps Professor Pianka has solved that problem.

Finally, consider the issue of foreign governments that we don’t like. Why send in our troops and suffer casualties? If we want their oil, we can just have it, thanks to “Dr. Doom’s” patented “population control device”! What’s not to like?