Sweets

Dear Indigna,

I understand that a number of communities are seeking to ban the sale of “marijuana-flavored candy.” They’re afraid it will lead kids to experiment with the real thing and other drugs. Look, this “candy,” which sounds disgusting by the way, is sold in liquor stores and “adult” businesses, where kids aren’t supposed to be in the first place. Secondly, it contains no THC or any psychoactive ingredients other than sugar; it is only “infused” with hemp flavor. Isn’t this Big Brother getting out of control?

My Candy, My Choice!
Chicago, IL

Dear Candy,

I have news for you. Any child who would voluntarily consume lollipops that taste like pot is already on drugs. Give it up.

And by the way, it has been proven scientifically (probably) that consumption of marijuana-flavored candy does indeed lead to harder stuff. It’s clearly a “gateway” sweet to such harder-core items as tobacco-flavored licorice, cocaine-tasting pixie sticks (to be snorted), essence-of-heroine injectable jelly beans and smokable gumdrops parfumé methamphetamine. If your kid comes home reeking of sugar, get him into detox immediately!