Stinky Cheese

Dear Indigna,

The Associated Press has called this Swedish billionaire, Stefan Eriksson, a leader of the “Uppsala Mafia.” Do they really have organized crime in Sweden??

Doubting Stefan
Uppsala, Sweden

Dear Doubter,

Yes, indeed they do! The capo in question, known to his peers as “Fat Steve,” is infamous for forcing subordinates to subsist on nothing but fish paste, crashing the women’s sauna at various locations, and shaking down businesses to secure cushy jobs for his buds. The “family’s” strong-arm tactics include putting herring in the fountain outside the mark’s business, hiding Epoisses cheese (”so stinky that it is banned on public transportation in France”) behind the refrigerator in the lunchroom, and asking for repayment of debt without saying “Tack” (”thank you”). These gangsters have terrorized Sweden for years with their threats of charging exorbitant interest on loans to small children to buy candy, riding public transit without bathing, and crashing ridiculously expensive cars while driving drunk.