I'd Like to Teach the World to Sue

Dear Indigna,

What kind of sentence should be handed down to those idiots who stole product samples from their employer, Coca-Cola, and tried to sell them to Pepsi?

No Dumb Cokehead
Hot Coffee, MS

Dear Cokehead,

This is the most outrageous thing I've ever heard. Listen, these guys were just trying to fulfill their employer's desire to "buy the world a Coke" (in exchange for a nominal "honorarium" to cover expenses, such as attorney's fees, in the amount of $2 million). What, now they're saying, "I'd like to buy everyone in the world a Coke except those guys at Pepsi"?? That's just mean.