Monday, February 19, 2007

Entitlement

Dear Indigna,

Some guy is suing IBM for five million dollars because he was fired for hanging out (no pun intended) in sex chat rooms during work. His defense? The Americans with Disabilities Act. He claims that his trauma nearly thirty years ago during the Vietnam War "caused him to become a sex addict, and with the development of the Internet, an Internet addict." He contends that his employer needs to allow him to . . . well, I hate to imagine (I mean, I really hate to imagine) what he expects his employer to pay him to do during his workday. He's also alleging age discrimination since he is 55 years old.

Your thoughts?

Upstanding Taxpayer
Straight, OK

Dear Taxpayer,

This is an easy one. Puh-lease! I cannot imagine that anyone who fought in any war, not in the least Vietnam, was not traumatized by the experience. We should reward ALL vets for their very real sacrifice.

This plaintiff argues that an appropriate reward is all-day porn chats on IBM's dime. Well, why the hell not? The plaintiff guy is over 55 years old! How can he possibly be gettin' any? That fact, in itself, should expand the plaintiff pool to class-action status. I imagine the vast majority of AARP-aged veterans are also not gettin' any. Shouldn't employers (or even the government) be obligated to compensate them to hang (no pun intended) at www.cyberfuck.com or whatever for hours each day? I mean, unless these older guys are billionaires (viz. J. Howard Marshall/Anna Nicole Smith) they are totally not going to be attractive to hot, nubile young strippers other than in cyberspace. Don't employers, indeed our entire country, owe our vets--at the very least!--fully-subsidized Internet porn for life?

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