Saturday, March 17, 2007

Confession is Good for the Terrorist

Dear Indigna,

This guy, Khalid Sheikh Mohammad, has purportedly "confessed" to being the mastermind behind pretty much every major terrorist event prior to his capture in 2003. Given this clear evidence to the contrary, how can the Bush administration keep a straight face while continuing to insist that torture (such as they used on "KSM") does not result in false confessions?

Beyond Caring
Carefree, IN

Dear Careless,

I am shocked--shocked!--that you would impugn the integrity of such a clearly accomplished man. Yeah, yeah, he's an accomplished terrorist--he's still gotten a lot more done than you ever will in your lifetime! Let the man brag.

But wouldn't you agree that, if you confess to something that doesn't make the papers, you must be telling the truth? See if you still question his honesty after I share with you some of the "throwaway" confessions that the federal government didn't even think were spectacular enough to share with us! Here's just a taste:
  • He is the real Zodiac killer.
  • Jimmy Hoffa is under the new bathroom in his Baghdad pied-à-terre.
  • DNA proves that he is the father of Anna Nicole's baby.
  • His proudest moment? Getting that whole JFK thing pinned on Lee Harvey Oswald.
These, my friend, are the confessions of an honest man. Who else would expect to be believed?

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