It's A Living

Dear Indigna,

I just read about this movement to install so-called "instant horse racing" devices at racetracks. People could view "original handicapping information" on races that have already been run, place their bets, and then "watch the race on the machine." Excuse my ignorance, but how exactly does a person lose in this scenario?

Racetrack Whore
Golden Gate Fields, Albany, CA

Dear Whore.

This whole deal is just an attempt by the state of California to provide jobs for the tens of thousands of Humanities Ph.D.s that have been graduated in recent years who otherwise have absolutely no employment prospects. You see, you install these machines on which one can bet on races up to thirty years old and the assumption by the general public is, "who knows who will win?" The average Humanities Ph.D., especially in History, has been trained to do nothing other than research. Within minutes they can find the win/place stats of any race run anywhere in the world in the entire history of the sport and bet according to the length of the odds on the various horses, thus providing themselves with at least a living, and at best a fine private island in the South Pacific.