Adventure Travel

Dear Indigna,

I was horrified to learn that the U.S. State Department was planning to make American citizens who are evacuated from Lebanon reimburse the government for their transport!! How can the Bush Administration justify this???

Concerned Family Member
Booger Hole, WV

Dear "Concerned,"

Well, you ought to have thought about that before your family members went over there, oughtn't you have? (I can parse that sentence upon request.) Listen, our government isn't a cruise ship industry, so if you take advantage of the opportunity for a trip on a first-class military vessel, you damn well better expect to pay for it! Besides, you don't have to cough up the whole Pentagon-calculated operational cost-per-hour for your fancy aircraft carrier by yourself--there's bound to be a few other would-be freeloaders that you can split it with. Surely you realize that no top-notch adventure travel is going to be cheap. If you up and decide to hop on a thrilling helicopter ride, like those folks in Saigon in 1975, you've got to expect to pay top dollar, especially since you probably didn't book in advance. (Discounted fares available to those hanging off the skids.)